Thursday, June 21, 2012

June 23rd 2011

One year ago this weekend I was FINALLY able to bring my beautiful daughter home for the first time.  Raygen you were 3 months old.  I know your father and I were so excited but also terrified.  We had so many unknowns.  You had your trach at the time so I did know we were going to have nursing which was one sense a relief but another sense a disappointment because I knew I couldn't, even then, care for you all on my own.
You look so small in these pictures.  How my heart melts looking back.  I can't look at all the pictures and see what you had to go through, even now they break my heart.  I have so many regrets and wish I would have known more to be a better advocate for you.  You are so amazing.  What you have been through in one year no one could imagine.  I am so blessed to have you and be your mom.  I must have done something right in my life for God to bless me with you. 
Raygen Marie you have forever changed me.  You make me and our family complete. You make me a better person.  You help me live for today & cherish the little things.  You have brought me closer to God.  I thank him everyday for you and your sister.  I truly know how lucky I am that you are here.  I know we came so close to loosing you and I know you truly our a miracle.  You have taught us to find joy in every journey no matter where it leads.
I love you so much words do not describe what I feel when I look into your beautiful big green eyes.  You are wise beyond your year and I feel like you end up teaching me something everyday instead of me teaching you. 
You have such a funny personality.  You know what you do and don't like and you let us know. 
You are totally a Mamma's girl and I love it.  We have such a bond. 
You get so tired of me taking your picture all the time.  See this look? "Enough, Mom!" is what I swear your thinking, lol!

I know our journey is not over and there will be another surgery, another hospital stay, and a few more blood draws, echo's, x-ray's, and a million other things but I wouldn't change anything.  I love you Raygen.  You are the baby I prayed for.  You are exactly the little sister I wished for Zoie.  I am a lucky women with two amazing children.