It's amazing to me that it's 2012! Where did 2011 go? It was a roller coaster year for us. I was thinking last night how many weeks we actually spent at the hospital and I figured about 17 weeks total and the hundreds of doctor appointments we went to. To think that we were apart from Zoie those weeks makes my heart hurt. I missed so much with her. I plan to make up for that this year. For Raygen, we plan to have some fun with her. To show her she can go in the car and not always end up at the hospital or a doctor appointment. We can't really do anything yet. She still needs more time to heal from her surgery at least 4 more weeks and hopefully by then she will be off oxygen too. I hope 2012 is a hospital free year for both my children. It's time to try to find a normal routine for us and start living our life as a family of 4. Now we don't have Raygen's second surgery hanging over our heads so its such a relief. Two down and one to go, but hopefully not for a few years. Although there were moments in 2011 that I didn't know how I was going to make it through all this. The things I have seen my beautiful daughter go through and come out on the other side fighting and stronger then ever would take your breathe away. The nights when I would cry myself to sleep holding the icu pager in my hand praying it doesn't go off will always haunt me. Handing Raygen over for surgery after surgery and hearing her cry down the hallway breaks my heart. I look at Raygen and am amazed everyday that she is ours. We are so blessed. She is so strong and she has fought to live since the moment she was born. During all this I would always question the saying "God doesn't give you more then you can handle." and I'm not sure where I stand on this because there were so many moments when I know I couldn't do this but yet here I am and here is my daughter. Through out all of this my oldest Zoie suffered too. Knowing that I missed so much with her and that she had to worry about everything as well hurts me too. Zoie is an amazing little girl who is stronger then I ever thought and both my girls give me strength.
Hears to a better 2012 with no hospitals, lots of family time, Raygen eating by mouth, crawling, rolling over, maybe talking? Zoie having fun and lots of mother daughter days and family weekend get aways. I hope you all have a great 2012!
Thank you to everyone for all your love, support, and prayers during 2011 and to come.
God Bless you all! and Happy New Year!
ERIN
