Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Happy Birthday Zoie

Zoie turned 8 on Sunday and I am so blessed to be her mom. Zoie has been so strong through all of this. She is such a good big sister and shows an amazing amount of love for Raygen. Zoie can tell you all about Raygen and her heart and her trach and she can tell some pretty funny "poop" stories, lol! Those of course are her favorite to tell. Zoie is probably one I worry most about. She and I have always been so close. Never spent more then a night apart from each other till Raygen was born, then we spent 3 months apart. I hear stories all the time about siblings of sick children and I don't ever want Zoie to feel "less then" because she is healthy and Raygen is not. I love Zoie so much and I feel guilty. I feel guilty that I can't spend as much time with her as I used to, that I can't jump the minute she needs me, that I feel I'm always saying "just a minute." I am torn all the time. I'm torn because I feel like I don't want to miss one second of the time I have with Raygen but at the same time I feel so sad that I'm missing moments with Zoie. I feel like Zoie has grown into a little adult through all of this that she has become wiser then her years and I pray that she always knows no matter what that she is just as important to her father and I as Raygen. We had a wonderful birthday weekend with Zoie. Randy took her skating on Saturday and I took her to Red Robin and Toys R Us on Sunday. I love spending one on one time with Zoie and as Raygen's surgery approaches it is even more important to spend that extra minute with her everyday because I don't know how long we will be gone this time. I pray not as long as last time.

Raygen has had a good weekend too. She is her normal, happy self thank God. Next week we are off to Childrens and I am so scared. I am trying not to think about it till Friday otherwise I might be one heck of a mess. We check in next Thursday at 4pm and then it all begins. Please pray that Raygen continues to grow and stay healthy till surgery. We are so close.