Thursday, September 8, 2011

Cath Date

So it looks like we will be checking into Childrens on Thursday the 15th for Raygen's Cath. We should have results the same day which is good because we don't have to wait but is also so scary at the same time. I'm freaking out a little. This time next week I will know my daughter's future, Surgery or Transplant. Please Lord let it be surgery. We will also have an appointment with ENT on Thursday or Friday and try the speak valve with Raygen, this will be the first step to getting rid of the trake. The plan will be to do the G tube on Friday. I am waiting to speak with Dr. Rubio to see if he thinks it is safe to put Raygen under sedation two days in a row. After her pulling her tube out on Monday I am kinda excited for the G tube but at the same time it comes with it's own risk so I also am terrified for it. I feel sorry for my family, I am going to be on edge till next week. The thought of all the "what ifs" scares me so much. I am giving my fear to God and praying with all my heart that the Cath, G tube, and Trake issues goes smoothly and that we come home with a date for the Glenn. I use the word scary and terrifying so much these days but my fears reach way beyond those words. I don't think there are words for what emotions I feel on a daily basis, emotions that only other heart moms really understand but in a way any mother understands. I can't make Raygen better, which is what I want to do, what any mother wants to do for her children. I have to trust in others to make Raygen better and sometimes it is so hard. I have a hard time knowing when to trust the doctors and when to speak up and stop something when I feel uncomfortable. Because trust me, I get the "uncomfortable" feeling a lot. Please pray for Raygen. Please pray for Zoie while we go back to the hospital. So much depends on the results next week, so much for our family, so much for Raygen.