Saturday, March 1, 2014

April 23rd....



I remember when Raygen's surgeon told me the day I was to deliver. It was a moment of excitement followed by a huge rush of fear. I knew March 23rd was going to be nothing like the day I delivered Zoie. I knew I wasn't taking Raygen home right away, that I wouldn't play pass the baby with waiting family at my house and that she wouldn't get to wear that "home" outfit any time soon. I wasn't sure if I would even get to hold her and count all her fingers and toes. After I knew March 23rd, I just prayed. "Baby make it till then." Then I prayed when they told me her Norwood date and the same with the Glenn. Each surgery or test day is no different. Each one with there own fears and panic. April 23rd will be Raygen's heart cath and MRI. The panic has set in for sure. No parent ever likes to see their child in pain. I know Raygen will be in pain, she will be scared, and this test will be so hard on her and there isn't anything I can do to stop it. April 23rd will change our lives. We will find out if Raygen will qualify for her 3rd open heart surgery, if anything needs to be done to her stent, if she will need any reconstruction and also if she has suffered any strokes or has any brain injuries. I am terrified. I do get upset and allow myself a cry. I cry for everything that I can't prevent and cry that I can't go through it all for my little 3 year old. I look at all these parents with healthy children and I wonder if they know how lucky they truly are? Then I look at my amazing little girl and realize just how LUCKY I AM. I love the saying "Most people never get to meet their hero, but I gave birth to MINE." Please keep my daughter in your prayers especially April 23rd.